Archive | September, 2011

Finding My Perfect Sugar Daddy

26 Sep

I decided to enter the sugar world on a whim. The thought came to me in a cafe and I traipsed home, determined to find out more about being a courtesan (I didn’t know the term sugar baby existed). I google-d information on courtesans, read through their websites, personal blogs, as well as the websites of escorts. None of it seemed quite right. I was looking for more of a traditional mistress-type role, something on-going, with a slight emotional connection but none of the obligations and trappings of a traditional romantic relationship. Oh, and I wanted single men.

So, I searched until I came across the concept of a sugar relationship. It sounded like it could be something I could do. That night, I signed up for SeekingArrangement.com, SD4me.com, and Sugardaddie.com. The latter received the most e-mails, but I wasn’t able to check them until I paid. Reviews here.

For the next two weeks, I spent all my free time sugar daddy hunting. Responding to e-mails, chatting on the phone, exchanging texts, and arranging dates consumes serious energy and time. I began an Excel spreadsheet to keep track of everyone and wrote down every detail as soon as it happened. The spreadsheet was super helpful since sugar daddies tend to be crazy busy and some will express interest in you, but need to go away for a few days or so. Writing down the little details helps you pretend you remember everything they do and all the stuff you’d previously talked about.

I went on so many sugar dates during this time. Sampling restaurants around the city was great, but most of the men I met were really not appetizing.

I met a doctor I had corresponded with via email. He seemed incredibly sophisticated. He was a fellow bibliophile, expressed concern and consideration for my transit to and from dinner, and his idea of an ideal arrangement mirrored my own. Then we met. He was clinically unattractive. On the other hand, he was a really sweet guy and the dinner was enjoyable. Until he started talking about how he wasn’t ready yet, but later I would bear him children. Ummm, no.

I also met a European guy who was soft-spoken and shy. Perfect for me, I love introverts. But I just wasn’t physically attracted to him at all. His shyness wore off 30 minutes into dinner and he declared he wanted an arrangement, then proceeded to press me for it throughout dinner. He gave me my first taste of sugar afterwards. Just pulled out all the bills he had in his pocket. It wasn’t much, a few hundred, but it was a happy feeling. A feeling that this does actually work. Over the next few days, he text-ed me in 5 minutes intervals until I snapped and blocked him.

Another guy I met was a single dad, sweet but really nervous. He went off on a monologue about something (the past?) and it was pretty obvious he was not comfortable with the whole thing. He was quite cute though.

I met a bunch more that I don’t quite recall…maybe I’ll consult my spreadsheet later.

Anyway, I started chatting with a guy in NY. We had a lot in common. I could tell from his phone manner that he was circumspect, introverted, analytical, prone to monogamy, and as cautious about sugar dating as I was. He seemed to like me too. He wanted to fly me out to see him immediately, but I was hesitant. It’s always better to meet someone on your home turf first. What if he turned out to be a psycho? Well, I googled him, did a reverse phone search, etc. He checked out. We talked more often. He offered to fly me out again and I decided to go. Good news: he was not a psycho. Bad news: he was really unattractive.

I don’t consider myself superficial. Some of my ex-boyfriends have been questionable looking and I can usually fall for a guy’s brain. But…I knew I wasn’t ever going to be attracted to this guy. And this really should’ve ended there. Yet, I’d been on the sugar dating sites for about 2 weeks by then and I knew genuine guys with sweet personalities were rare. Plus, we had similar interests so conversation was so easy. He proposed an arrangement during dinner. I said yes.

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Getting Started: Sugar Baby Essentials

25 Sep

What you need before you begin sugar dating.

  1. Research. Ignore the mass media and read some real live narrative blogs of current sugar babies.
  2. A pseudonym, a mock address, a mock place of work, mock alma mater: You can eventually tell your sugar daddy all these details (except maybe your address and/or place of work) but you shouldn’t share any of these things about you until the arrangement is settled and started.
  3. Google Voice or a Skype number: Google voice is free and allows you to direct calls to your real phone, but you can’t make outgoing calls and all callers know that it’s not your real number. At the same time, it’s great for blocking numbers.  A Skype on-line number is like $20 for 3 months and you pay additionally for outgoing calls, but it functions like an actual phone, you can keep its call record separate from your real phone, and is overall more convenient. You could also just get a burn phone, but it looks weird to be carrying around an extra phone that you never use in front of your friends. You can run Skype from your smart phone so no one has to know.
  4. A trusted friend or fellow sugar baby: Pick a responsible, dependable person and contact her whenever you are going on a sugar date. Let her know your meeting point, your date’s name and phone number.
  5. An outlet. Sugar life is fun but often frustrating. It’s also difficult to try and talk to friends about your lifestyle. Make sure you have a confidante that you could unload on, be it a shrink, a friend, or a blog.

Before You Start Looking For a Sugar Daddy

22 Sep

Know what you want first.

If you’re hurting for money right now, it’s easy to gloss over this step and just start hunting for anyone who’ll fulfill the role of a sugar daddy. And whereas this might work temporarily, it’s a terribly myopic strategy.

Answering these questions first will help you find the sugar daddy that will best complement your idea of an ideal sugar relationship.

Who are you?

What are you really good at? What do you hate doing? Why are your friends friends with you? Are you a great conversationalist? Are you encouraging? Are you bubbly, the life the party? Obviously, all these answers will help you determine the type of sugar daddy you should be seeking out. It’ll also help you recognize him when you find him.

Who do you get on well with?

What kind of people piss you off? What kind of people do you click with?  Look back at your past relations and think about which guys you got along the best with, the guys that made you the most comfortable. Pick out the individual qualities that made you feel a certain way. Be sure to look for these as you choose your sugar daddy.

Spend some time mulling over these questions, and don’t move on to the next step until you have a definitive grasp of the answers.

What are your insecurities?

Whatever they are, at some point in your sugar relationship, they will come up. So before you start searching, you need to understand which parts of you need the most protection. Focus your search on finding a sugar daddy who is least likely to affect your insecurities. At some point, you’re going to thank yourself you did.

Should You Be a Sugar Baby?

20 Sep

Sugar life can be super fun, but it can also be really ugly. And the difference usually is you.

Who you are will determine the sort of sugar relationship you have.

If you are either of the below, sugar dating will probably be more damaging than helpful for you. Additionally, if someone you know is one of these and wants to enter sugar land, please restrain her.

The Airhead

Most successful people are smart. Most smart people respect intelligence. Whereas men may date a pretty girl just for her looks, if she doesn’t possess intelligence, they will never respect her. They may sleep with her, but really, sex is not that hard to find and without a connection (for which intelligence plays a part), why would a sugar daddy stick around?

The Victim

Are you easily hurt? Do people take advantage of you? Then, get out now. Stop looking for sugar and work on your self-esteem.

Low self-esteem and vulnerability attract the worst type of men. Seriously, the types of men who are emotionally abusive, the type that thrive on exploitative relationships, the type that prey on weakness to get what they want can sense vulnerability even through e-mail interaction.

Some sugar daddies are genuinely sweet and giving, but when given the chance, men will push you just to see if they can.  The emotional damage that can come from a bad sugar relationship is not worth it.  Sugar dating is trying and raises questions that are troubling even to people with good self-esteem.

If you don’t have yourself intact, and you damage yourself further to make a few bucks out of a sugar relationship, you’ll ruin your chances of success in anything you ever do.

 

So You Want to Be a Sugar Baby

15 Sep

This blog is long overdue. I’ve been a sugar baby for almost a year now and in the process, I’ve met around 30 men. I’ve received sugar from around 5. I’ve entered into 2 arrangements. I’ve had a sexual relationship with 1, who I’ve been receiving continuous sugar from for around a year now.

Being a sugar baby has had its ups and downs, but overall it’s been pretty good. The best parts of being a sugar baby are:

  1. You receive a lot of compliments. Whereas men of any age are generally appreciative of attractive women, most sugar daddies are much more vocal about it.
  2. The time sugar dating gives you to explore whatever you may want to without having to spend 40+ hours a week working.
  3. Receiving gifts is really, really fun. The gifts that sugar daddies give are incomparable to what men our age can usually afford. It’s a great feeling to be given something that might’ve taken me a few months to save up for.
  4. If done right, it can be a mind-expanding experience. Sugar daddies are successful for a reason. Some are exceptionally smart, some single-mindedly focused, some ruthless, some unconventionally innovative, etc. Choose your sugar daddy not only by allowance, but by what they can teach you about success.

Despite all of this, when this year ends, I’ll be leaving sugar life. I’m pretty much done with it for now. I’ve gained a lot and only a small part of that is material.

There is one thing I want to say, specifically to those girls who are interested in becoming sugar babies. These are important questions to ask yourself before entering the sugar game. They’re far more important than how much you’ll receive for allowance, or what kind of sugar daddy you want. These questions are more personal and will have everything to do with whether you’ll be successful as a sugar baby….or whether you should even bother sugar baby-ing at all. Here goes:

  1. What’s your END game? Why are you going into the sugar world? What’s in it for you? If it’s simply “I need some quick money” – it’s not worth it. Trust me on this – there are other avenues of making money. If you want to sugar date, be clear on what it is you want from it and out of it. Sugar dating is great for accomplishing short-term goals. It lets you concentrate on school instead working for tuition money, it lets you save up money much more quickly than simply working a job, etc., but it is not to be used long-term. The longer you stay in, the longer you get used to the concept of easy money and the lifestyle it brings, the harder it is to get out of the moocher mentality that spawns unsuccessful lives. Decide what you want out of the sugar relationship and SET an expiration date.
  2. What’s more important to you RIGHT NOW? Being a sugar baby is like being pulled in two different directions emotionally because it professionalizes the personal. It mixes business and pleasure and as such, it might be difficult to decide what it is you really want. Ask yourself some questions…what’s more important: Learning from someone who has been through it all or growing with someone who is experiencing things alongside you? Also, do you prefer being in a relationship with someone who pays you = $4,500/month o being in a relationship with someone that makes you feel giddy to wake up beside him?

 

I know the economy is bad right now and a lot of girls are turning to sugar sites. But I also know that all of you aspiring sugar babies deserve so, so much more than the life of a sugar baby.

I’ve written this blog so anyone who is venturing into sugarland can get the most out of her experience there and leave with everything she needs to pursue her real dreams.

Hopefully, you’ll find it helpful.